This was an actual e-mail correspondance between a student in my section and my contracts professor...

Sgt. Student Douchebag:

I am concerned that in such a large classroom and in a multiple choice exam, many students will be tempted to involve themselves in a little sharing. I bother you with this because it would be extremely unfair to have most students, who prepared themselves tirelessly and honestly, compete against group efforts. I understood that you will not be supervising the exam but will the supervisor or supervisors be strict and bold enough to call out potential cheaters and not allow students to wear caps or will they be passive and turn a blind eye to cheating-like behavior??

Professor Haas:

This is an excellent question that I suspect many have been thinking. If you're caught cheating, you'll be kicked out of school and lose your $40,000. There's no appeal. If THAT'S not enough incentive not to cheat, you should know that there are two forms of the exam. Same questions, but Forms A and B arrange them differently. So, go ahead and glance at your neighbors paper. Lol Next, the proctors will be watching the room. They routinely check the bathrooms in case someone has accidentally left their notes/outlines in the stalls. As for "hats," leave them at home because you can't wear them during the exam.

Bring yourself, your number two pencils and, if you want, a simple calculator with no significant memory.

I'll be sending around the exam instructions tomorrow so that you don't have to spend time during the exam reading them.

Awesome, right? Who, at this stage of the game, explicitly needs to ask this question? Sgt. Student Douchebag, that's who. We have our theories as to who wrote this e-mail and they have been mocked mercilessly. There is debate on whether or not a Facebook group needs to be started in retaliation but this is retarded. RETARDED. i want to stab someone in the jaw.